There’s been a lot of chatter online about performative table setting. I love setting a beautiful, and in some cases, elaborate table, and I began to wonder if I’ve become part of the problem.
I first became aware of it thanks to an article by Timi Sotire in Vittles Magazine The Rise of Tablescaping Influencers, where the author argues the point that short form video has changed our relationships to and expectations of hospitality. She adds that more emphasis is given to style and looks rather than any meaningful connection around the table, and that in fact, those connections become secondary to the occasion. A beautiful table becomes a problem when guests are afraid of spoiling the arrangement, a sentiment also explored in Amelia Brabham’s Vogue article, Do I Really Need to Tablescape My Dinner Party.
I have mentioned previously that I fear straying into Hyacinth Bucket territory (drive slowly past number 17 Richard.I want her to see my hat). While I certainly feel that I do have it in me to become a tad Hyacinth-ish, I hope that I remember that the reason for getting people together is to enrich all of our lives. I want connection and the making of memories to remain at the heart of it.
An interesting rebuttal on the aforementioned articles that I encountered expressed my sentiments precisely, and I know I am not alone in feeling this way.
This comment discusses the fact that beauty and connection are not mutually exclusive and that there seems to be a trend to view simplicity or even austerity to be morally superior. She goes on to say that perhaps society has become too casual in some cases. That there are so few occasions to roll out the good dinnerware, the nice clothes, the fancy crystal glasses.
I’ll quote directly what @Mars.rising0 wrote on @heybrookesaylor’s Instagram post about performative hosting, because it speaks to my soul.
‘I’m tired of the relentless minimalism and blandness that have become so commonplace
…Perhaps instead of dismissing the art of making things special as performative, we should reconsider what we’ve lost by making everything so ordinary.”
This is my manifesto so well expressed. I would add that If we are lucky enough to have people to spend time with and enough food to share we should celebrate it
Plant flowers in your garden that complement your plates. Scour your home for interesting artefacts to place on the table to prompt discussion or build a mood. I like making an effort; it lets my creativity bloom.
Society seems to be skewed towards removing labour from our lives (says she shoving the robot vacuum cleaner away from her feet as it tries, vainly, to clean under the desk), that surely a little work in crafting something memorable, to set a mood is not a burden, and not just a pleasure, but a privilege.
Not every time someone sits at our kitchen table needs to be a production. Sometimes all that’s needed is coffee and a slice of cake eaten with your fingers while the news of the day is exchanged. But sometimes, bring out the good plates. Make them earn their keep. What else are we saving them for?
