The Inept Gardener

Part 3

Another month has rolled around with very little work in the garden. The lawn was mowed, but not by me. Many things were not done in the garden if I’m honest, and that is, in fact, the sum total of my contribution. (You’re welcome.)

However.

I have bought seeds and bulbs, which feels like progress. By spring, the garden should look a little brighter — or at the very least, more hopeful. True to my plans of some months ago, I have acquired ranunculi corms in a bold red, blue muscari, and white anemones. (Does anyone else find themselves saying “anemone” in the style of Finding Nemo?) Shirley poppies round out the mix, in what I can only assume is a triumph of optimism over experience.

Armed with very little horticultural knowledge but a great deal of confidence, I have devised a strategy: I will stagger the planting. Two or three bulbs this weekend, a few more the next, and so on — a carefully orchestrated succession of blooms, in theory. Whether this results in a prolonged display of flowers or simply a prolonged period of disappointment remains to be seen, but I am committed to the experiment.

Here is an AI mock-up of what the garden could, conceivably, look like in Spring.

I am also toying with the idea of planting winter vegetables, although quite where they would go is another matter entirely, given our limited space. The real challenge, of course, will be identifying which vegetables possums consider beneath them. Those will be the ones I plant. They may also be the kinds of vegetables my family and I consider beneath us. Time will tell.

Possum Status: Clearly thriving. Gardener less so.